On not using it

Battling the internet

I was set to write about something else today and then I woke up and made the mistake of catching up on the way-too-many tweets in my timeline first.

Someone said something I thought was catty and mean. I quietly commented that there's "No need to be mean." And I unfollowed the poster.

Within moments - because it's the internet - several people replied that they had read his tweet that way too but on rereading realized that wasn't what he meant.

So good news: that wasn't what he meant.

Also, many of us misunderstood what he had meant.

It reminded me of a boss who I thought had been overly controlling but ended up teaching me a lot about communication.

Humor is difficult

When I was in radio (again, ask an older person what radio is - or was), I had a boss who had lots of rules.

One of them was to not talk about "I", talk about "we" instead.

The woman who was on before me rolled her eyes and went on the air to talk about how "we" had sat out in the sun too long and gotten burnt and "our" husband had to rub oil on "our" backs.

Clearly, that wasn't what the boss meant but the jocks all had a good laugh at her response.

When I started at the station he told me not to laugh so much on the air. I had a great time working in radio and would often laugh at something that amused me.

After we worked together a while he came back to the studio one day and said, "go ahead".

He was getting regular calls and feedback from listeners that they liked my choice of music better than the other jocks.

What does that have to do with laughing?

Well, we all played the same music. It was chosen by a computer and then the boss would do a quick pass to make sure we weren't playing a certain artist too much or two similar songs too close together. But we all played the same music.

Me having a good time meant the listener would often have a good time and enjoy the music more.

"But," he said, as he had said to all of us, "don't tell jokes."

Some portion of your audience will think you're being sarcastic. They'll think you're making fun of them and being mean.

Sarcasm

So back to my tweet about not being mean.

Most of the people responding were nice and, as I said, just pointed out that they had read it that way too at first.

One woman responded that the original poster "is being sarcastic. Try it sometime. It's funny."

I did try it.

I used to be very sarcastic.

It hurt people's feelings so I have (mostly) stopped.

Here's what encouraged me to stop.

When Elena was six she used to say very mean things and then look at us and say, "What?" She'd then make air-quotes and say, "sarcasm!"

She'd say, "Dad, you're really fat."

Pause.

Air quotes, "sarcasm".

We tried to explain to her that that's not what sarcasm is. You can't just say mean things and make them not be mean by adding, "sarcasm".

But she was six.

So, I thought, maybe that is what sarcasm is. You are saying really mean things and masking it in a joke - but the mean thing still lands. Maybe I should stop modeling it for her.

You have to be in the right frame to receive sarcasm appropriately. You have to have some sort of shared context and a safe space. We don't have the luxury to absorb sarcasm.

People are raw right now. Now is the time to be kind to others and to surround yourself with people who are kind to you.

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Link to the Podcast episode from November 3, 2023.

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Last week was bagels, this morning was a sourdough loaf. I made a loaf this weekend that didn't rise enough (a failed experiment) and so I made some tweaks yesterday and this one came out perfectly. I've got break baking news coming soon.

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Something fun

A few people posted a link to this video of Jack Nicholson accepting the BAFTA for Chinatown while on the set of and in character for One flew over the cuckoos nest.

Air conditioners

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y friend Scott posted a link to this tweet on air-conditioners with a note to read the whole thread.

Rock and Grohl

The epic battle continues between Nandi Bushell and David Grohl. After he wrote a song for her, she has responded with a song she wrote and performed for him. Epicly cute from both of them.

Writing news

My light update for "A SwiftUI Kickstart" has turned into a major rewrite. I've been posting the new chapters as I finish them on Gumroad and the book will be available and finished next week.

Maggie's link

This week's link from Maggie is an interesting rant on The Problem with Auto-Tune.

I look forward to her weekly links as much as you do!

Other people's stuff

James Thomson is the creator of an app I use all the time on multiple platforms: PCalc. Apart from being a great calculator, James also tends to adopt the latest Apple technologies - often before Apple's own apps do.

In order to do this, he experiments quite a bit. Recently he's been posting some mesmerizing experiments. Check out this one or one of the others.